Reno is a Pervert
by PocketSizedMoon
Summary: What are YOU thinking of? A collaboration with OverFlowingBox. Reno/Kadaj.
1. Blowing

The clock struck twelve, the repeating ticking filling the room. Two men sat on a sofa, talking quietly with an occasional exclamation.

"Please Reno! My cheeks are hurting!"

"We still have a little while to go. Suck it up. No pun intended."

"But I'm out of breath!" the silver-haired boy complained.

"Just keep going!"

"And it tastes like latex!"

"Stop complaining and _blow_!"

"Couldn't you at least help me?"

"No. That's gross, you've already put you mouth on it!"

"It's so hard to blow!"

"You are such a baby! Wait, are you, are you using your _teeth_?"

"Yeah. What? Am I not supposed to?"

"No, you'll poke a hole in it!"

"Why don't we just ask Cloud for help?"

Reno just stared at Kadaj.

"What?"

"Are you kidding? Cloud would blow till it pops!"

"How about Vincent?"

"Good luck trying to get him to put his mouth on _that_."

"Ugh, Reno! I can't do this all day!"

"What, you're not having fun?"

"No!"

"I'm having a blast," the redhead smiled.

"Could we at least take a break?"

"And do what?"

"Wash the taste out of my mouth, maybe," Kadaj said, nearly pleading.

"How does it taste bad?"

"Latex, Reno, latex! How would it taste good?"

"They don't make strawberry flavored in Midgar!"

The door to the Seventh Heaven opened, and Tifa marched in. She stared at the two on the couch.

"Are you guys done blowing up those balloons? Denzel's party starts in an hour!"


	2. Medicine

Written by sabreenyweeny. Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy but Goddamn, I wish I did.

* * *

Reno and Kadaj sat together on the couch. Heavy pants filled the room as Kadaj's complexion matched that of a ripe tomato.

A warm, thick liquid filled Kadaj's mouth.

Kadaj choked and quickly spat it out, making a stain on the poor carpet. "Reno! You said you would warn me if it tasted bad!"

"Shut up. There's something called s_wallowing_, honey," Reno said matter-of-factly.

"You said this stuff would make me _feel_ better! So much for that!"

Reno looked at Kadaj, with a new air of seriousness surrounding him. His eyes were full of authority as he said, "You will soon."

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?!"

"You'll feel better soon. Cloud says that this stuff works wonders on making people feel better," Reno said, plastering on his goofiest grin. "I swear, it will grant you pleasure."

"Ew! And stick that gross thing into my mouth again?!"

"Well, that's generally how it works."

Kadaj groaned and gave in. Reno shoved it in his mouth. "Fi mrate you," he mumbled. His garbled words sounded a lot like "I hate you," but Reno disregarded it and clucked his tongue in disappointment.

"Suck harder. How the hell are you supposed to know you can swallow this?"

Kadaj panted. He's never felt this way before.

"A fever of 103," Reno announced as he pulled the gross thermometer out of Kadaj's mouth. It sat underneath Reno's tragically disgusting bed for maybe half a century. It doesn't work very well so in order to get the least bit of accuracy out of it, you had to suck hard.

"Looks like you have to take some of it."

"I can't swallow that stuff!" Kadaj yelped in fear. He buried himself underneath the blankets despite the immense heat he was experiencing from his fever. He knew Reno was going to force it down his throat and he had to hide.

He panted loudly as he gasped for air. His head hurt with almost too much intensity and he groaned.

Reno returned with the notoriously hated, warm, white medicine that Kadaj loved _oh _so much.

He felt better the next day.


	3. Racquetball

Written by sabreenyweeny. Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy but Goddamn, I wish I did.

* * *

A loud grunt echoed through the empty walls. Pants and beads of sweat emitted through Kadaj as he overtook Reno. Reno smiled in tainted pleasure.

"Hit it harder, Kadaj!" Reno yelled, exasperated.

"I'm hitting it as hard as I can, babe!"

"It isn't hard enough! I'm barely feeling anything down there!"

Another grunt echoed as Kadaj gave in everything he had. Reno threw his head back in corrupted euphoria.

"That was a joke!" Reno laughed.

"What?!"

"I'm barely aching down there, baby! You need to put more…you know…_umph_ in it!"

"I put umph in it, and a lot of it!"

"C'mon babe, one more time from the top and maybe you'll get me to squirm!" Reno said with his infamously smug smirk.

After a string of grunts and groans, Kadaj asked, "Is this hard enough for you, Reno?"

Reno sighed with pleasure. "You could hit it just a tad harder. I'm nearly hurting in my nether region! I bet Vincent can make me groan more than you can!"

"Your nether region is too hard to satisfy!" Kadaj said. He groaned in pain as sweat dripped off of his pale forehead and dampened his silver hair while he gave it that extra "umph". Reno gave the slightest groans of pleasure.

"This is good, babe. This game is very good."

"Am I hitting it hard enough for you?"

"Yeah, I'm actually working my nether region, too. Keep working at it, love, 'cause it feels great!" Reno said between gasps of ecstasy.

"Give me more!"

"Holy shit, you're hard to go against. I think I might explode."

"This feels great, Reno!"

"F-fuck!" And with that, one earth-shattering groan broke through the empty room.

The couple's sharp inhalations danced with each other's while they sat, drowning in their sweat.

Just then, a man walked in.

"Hey guys. I just wanted to tell you guys that your time is up. Some people rented this place out for 1:30," the man said.

The two nodded in agreement and gathered their racquetball equipment. As they walked through the glass door of the racquetball court, Reno gestured to his impressive calves and said, "My nether regions have never looked so great. However, how the hell did I lose to you?!"

"Never yell 'nether region' again or associate that phrase with your calves when we come back here. People are going to think we're having sex in the court," Kadaj said, disregarding Reno's last statement.

"Hey, that actually isn't all that bad of an idea!"


	4. Money, Babe

"Oh, I can't believe this! You got me in handcuffs _this early_?" a frustrated Kadaj yelled, kicking angrily. His redheaded boyfriend smiled.

"You don't mind too much, I can tell," Reno replied, running a finger down Kadaj's face. The silver-haired Remnant grumbled.

"Yeah, but this isn't free, you know. Pay up."

"What? Like hell I would!"

"Then I'm not playing your little game!"

"Come on! This isn't prostitution, babe. Besides, I don't have to pay you, you have to get yourself out," Reno said with a grin.

"I swear, I'm gonna get bruised from this floor!" Kadaj complained, changing the subject.

"Live with it, we just started."

"How long will it last?"

"I don't know, three hours or so. Cloud showed this to me. It's really fun," Reno said.

"I don't think I can last for three hours, Reno," Kadaj muttered. Reno laughed.

"Aw, you're no fun. I'll go easy on you," he said. Kadaj didn't say anything.

"Okay..." he mumbled. Reno silently congratulated himself.

"Let's start again, shall we?" he smiled, picking up the dice and rolling them on the board.

Kadaj stared at the Monopoly board as he took his turn. He ended up in Jail, again.

"How about we use _real_ handcuffs this time," Reno winked at Kadaj, flashing him a kinky grin.

"I like that idea better than this dumb game."


End file.
